Camteen and Brains
by Athyna DaughterofPosiedon
Summary: Cameron and Thirteen have a secret relationship. Masters walks in on them. House and Cuddy eat a brain.  For the prompt: House and Cuddy eating brains, Camteen, an innocent Masters' moment, and Chase and/or Foreman death.  Crackfic. I really have no excus


**A/N For the prompt: House and Cuddy eating brains, Camteen, one innocent-Masters moment, and Chase and/or Foreman death. (Feel free to take a crack at writing a fic for this prompt.)**

**So, I totally thought I had posted this, but then I checked and discovered it wasn't even finished. I started it around the same time SMO13 posted Interesting Memories, which was written from the same prompt.**

**Cameron went back to the ER instead of leaving, and unfortunately, Chameron still exist…in the beginning.**

"Mmmmm," Cameron moaned, as Thirteen slammed her against the wall of the on-call room. "We…. shouldn't…Chase…" she panted out. Thirteen ignored her, continuing their make-out session. Cameron gasped slightly as Thirteen pulled her Scrub top off, and started unfastening her bra. Suddenly, the door opened, and Masters walked in holding a clipboard.

"Dr. Cameron? One of the nurses said you would be…" she trailed off as she looked up. Her eyes widened. "Oh! Um…I didn't…Sorry, I'll just…" she trailed off again, looking on, slack-jawed.

Cameron pulled her mouth away from Thirteen's, but didn't bother stopping the brunette's hands from wandering across her torso. "What is it, Masters?"

"Dr. Cuddy was…. um…. uh…" She blinked, rapidly, trying to regain her thoughts.

Cameron, upon seeing how uncomfortable the other woman was, pulled away from Thirteen fully, and yanked her shirt on. "Better?"

"Uh, yeah. Th-thanks."

"Yeah, thanks," thirteen muttered, annoyed. Cameron glared at her.

"Dr. Cuddy was looking for you two. She said something about House and brains."

"Ok. Come on Thirteen." Cameron took the other woman by the hand and dragged her outside, Masters following.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Dr. Cameron, aren't you still with Dr. Chase?"

"Yes. And there is no need for him to know about what you just witnessed. Got it?"

Masters nodded, mutely.

When they got to the differential room, they found Foreman, House, Cuddy, Chase, and Taub gathered around the table. On the table were…. brains.

"Ah, there they are. The bisexual one, the hot one, and no, I don't mean Cameron, and the sexually inactive one," House commented, as they walked in.

Cameron flushed red, and glanced at Thirteen. "House, I'm not bisexual!"

"Of course not. You just get all hot-and-bothered by Thirteen. It's ok, we've all been there."

Thirteen just rolled her eyes, and took a seat next to Taub. Cameron went over to stand next to Chase, while Masters took her usual seat. "House, why is there a brain on the table?"

"House bet Cuddy that she was too squeamish to be a doctor. To prove it, he's making her see which of them can eat more brain without barfing," Foreman stated, answering for House. He then tried to edge closer to Thirteen, who scooted away, a disgusted look on her face.

"And she's doing it?" Masters asked, baffled.

"No, but she's gonna eat the brains," House remarked, smirking.

Cubby flushed red. "House! Let's just get this over with. I agreed to your stupid bet. I don't need you making jokes about my sex life!"

"Or lack-there-of," he remarked.

Cuddy just rolled her eyes, and took a fork that was next to the brain. They started eating, and were halfway through, when suddenly, Taub ran from the room. He was clapping a hand over his mouth, and Thirteen assumed he was going to throw up.

Thirteen pulled her phone from her pocket when she felt it buzz. _Supply closet. 5 mins. _She grinned, knowing who it was from. She slipped out the door, unnoticed by everyone else, who were looking on with fascination, as Cuddy and House scarfed down the brains. She walked into the closet, and waited impatiently.

A moment or two later, the door opened, and Cameron slipped inside. "I told him I was feeling sick. He totally bought it. He's so naïve, it's rid—" Thirteen cut her off by slamming their lips together. "Hmmmmm…someone's horny," Cameron stated, as Thirteen slipped her hands beneath her shirt. Cameron pulled away just long enough for Thirteen to slip her shirt off.

Suddenly, the closet was flooded with light, as someone opened the door. "What the heck is all that noise..." Chase's voice trailed off, as he took in the scene in front of him. He turned and ran, crying, from the closet, hallway, and sub sequentially, the hospital, before Cameron could explain; not that she really wanted to.

"Well, that takes care of the break-up," Cameron said. Thirteen smiled and shut the door, as Cameron pulled off the brunette's shirt.

Thirteen pulled Cameron into the apartment by the waist, the two of them attached by the lips the entire way. Cameron flailed an arm behind her, and pulled the door shut when her hand found the handle. Thirteen pulled Cameron farther into the room, pulling the smaller woman's shirt over her head as they went. Cameron did the same for Thirteen, and they were both soon rid of clothes. In their haste, Thirteen backed into the couch, tripping over the arm, and falling onto the cushions. Cameron fell on top of her, giggling when thirteen gave a grunt of pain.

Suddenly, the unlocked door burst open, and House and Taub entered. Cameron shrieked, and reached over to pull the blanket that was folded on the back of the couch over their bodies. "Sorry to interrupt your guys' totally hot sex, but we just thought you should know that some people found Chase lying in an alleyway in a pool of his own blood," Taub told them.

"Yeah," House added, staring bluntly at Cameron and Thirteen. "Turns out he shot himself in the head. He left a note babbling on about the love of his life leaving him, and there being no point to his life. It sounded kind fairly pathetic if you ask me." There was a pause as Cameron and Thirteen soaked up this information. "Oh! And, the paramedics brought Foreman into the hospital about an hour ago. He ODed on drugs. He died about fifteen minutes ago. Something about not being manly enough to please the girl of his dreams. Which, doesn't make much sense, since the girl of his dreams was just about to have sex with another woman." At this, House looked pointedly at the trail of clothing leading to the couch, and then at Thirteen, who was still lying under Cameron.

"Anyways," Taub piped up. "Cuddy's having a party at her place to celebrate. Wilson and Masters are gonna be there, and I think House invited Ridiculously old Fraud." Taub looked to House for conformation, and he nodded his head.

"Yup. I've missed him. It was a real shame he wasn't really a doctor. I much preferred him to Taub." At this, Taub looked offended, but before he could say anything, Thirteen spoke up.

"Ok. Just give us an hour to finish up here, and shower."

Taub nodded, and then proceeded to drag House out of the apartment.

**A/N So there it is. Possibly the weirdest fics I've ever written. **


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